Ok so I’m going through some personal issues in so many areas of my life. I’m digging, digging, digging trying to see what is troubling me so. Well after soul searching last night, I have discovered one of the things that are keeping me restless deep inside.

When embracing Islam, I never thought to much about my family accepting my way of life. It was clear from the beginning that I had my belief and they had theirs. I soon found myself pondering throughout these four years. “Why do so many converts in Islam feel so brokenhearted that their family won’t accept Islam”? I’ve seen some of my friends cry, and weep, and be so under the weather due to this reason.

Now before you think I’m being an insensitive jerk. I give my family their rights Alhamdulilah, and treat them kindly as required in Islam. I do know (keep this word in mind know) that it’s because for those who die in desbelief there’s great punishment for them in the hereafter. They will be among the dwellers of the Fire for all eternity because they disbelieved in Allah and the Prophet Muhammad (pbuh). Allah (swt) makes this clear to us in the Quran.

Where Allah says : And when there came to them (the Jews), a Book (this Quran) from Allah confirming what is with them (the Taurat (Torah) and the Injeel (Gospel)), although aforetime they had invoked Allah (for coming of Muhammad Peace be upon him ) in order to gain victory over those who disbelieved, then when there came to them that which they had recognised, they disbelieved in it. So let the Curse of Allah be on the disbelievers”.  (Al-Baqara, Chapter #2, Verse #89)

How bad is that for which they have sold their ownselves, that they should disbelieve in that which Allah has revealed (the Quran), grudging that Allah should reveal of His Grace unto whom He will of His slaves. So they have drawn on themselves wrath upon wrath. And for the disbelievers, there is disgracing torment”.  (Al-Baqara, Chapter #2, Verse #90)

“Neither those who disbelieve among the people of the Scripture (Jews and Christians) nor Al-Mushrikoon (the disbelievers in the Oneness of Allah, idolaters, polytheists, pagans, etc.) like that there should be sent down unto you any good from your Lord. But Allah chooses for His Mercy whom He wills. And Allah is the Owner of Great Bounty. 
(Al-Baqara, Chapter #2, Verse #105)

So I do “know” why my friends are heartbroken and make dua to Allah (swt) that He guides their families to Islam. You see I never felt sorry for my family because they disbelieve in Islam. I know, that’s awful the fact that I don’t feel badly that my immediate family won’t accept Islam. Yes, I didn’t feel any remorse or sympathy towards them in their rejection of faith. I have asked many people why they feel for their families, and I had many responses the most common one is that they love their family and they don’t want them to suffer the torment of the Hellfire. I’ve reasoned all of this, but it wasn’t till last night that a light bulb lit up. I give my family dawah whenever I am with them. I treat them with kindness, love and show them how beautiful our religion  is through practicing  and speaking to them about our deen when they question me.  When I had that light bulb moment. I had a rush of feelings and what is “UNDERSTANDING” of what my friends have experienced before me. I had tears flowing down my cheeks thinking that my very sick grandmother who Allah can take any minute would die in disbelief. I get chuckled just thinking about her dieing in the state of a kafur. “Subhanallah”, I thought I do understand and sympathesize with all my Muslim brothers and sisters whose families continue rejecting faith. I know contentment is one of the qualities of a believer. One that I thought I had hands down; however, it seems that I am heartbroken also about my family being disbelievers so does that mean that I don’t have this characteristic of a believer?

I am experiencing now those moments that you’re sort of re-living your past as a viewer and seeing everything played out for you in slow motion. All those times my mother argued with me about the hijab, and the fact that I don’t celebrate their man-made holidays, or that very terrible moment that I had some of my aunts trying to rip off my  hijab off my head. These are all reasons why I didn’t feel remorse for them, but now that I have reached a more insightful level of understanding I do feel sadness, and sorrow for them. I now realize that what they have been striving me to do is to go back into the state of disbelief, and be like them. Authulilahi, something I fear and ask Allah (swt) everyday of my life to protect me from.

My dear friends, you know who you are… I dedicate this post to all of you. I now “understand” why you all feel great sorrow for your families. This is a major test that Allah (swt) has given us in order to prove who we love more. Do we love our families more than Allah (Glorified be He) and His Prophet (pbuh)? 

In the hadith narrated by Abu Huraira the Prophet Muhammad said, “By Him in Whose Hands my life is, none of you will have faith till he loves me more than his father and his children.” (Al-Buhkhari)

I have now been in your shoes. I feel confident to say that I am content with my family’s choices, but i do have sorrow for them because they’re my family. I will do my best to show them Islam in its truth inshallah for the sake of Allah, and if Allah decrees for them to come to Islam I have peace of mind, heart, and soul.

Last night was truly an enlightening moment in my life and one that I have great gratitude because Allah (swt) gave me the understanding for this. This has been very humbling and has given me contentment because it has shown me that everything is in Allah’s hands. Allah is All-Knowing, All-Aware of His creation nothing happens unless He has decreed for it to happen. Allah guides whom He wishes. 

Allah says: “And with Him are the keys of the Ghaib (all that is hidden), none knows them but He. And He knows whatever there is in (or on) the earth and in the sea; not a leaf falls, but he knows it. There is not a grain in the darkness of the earth nor anything fresh or dry, but is written in a Clear Record”. (Al-Anaam, Chapter #6, Verse #59)

I love this verse of the Quran. I thought I understood it. I did to a certain degree but as we all know the Quran is full of mysterous meanings that are personal to each of us because these are the words of our Creator. The words of Allah (swt) talking to us individually. Allah Akbar, I see crystal clear now that we all have the gift of free will and it’s our choice if we choose to reject the signs of Allah or accept them. All we can do is supplicate to Allah to guide our families and lift the veil of blindness off their eyes and hearts.