Comments on: Control http://intuitivemuslima.wordpress.com/2007/08/07/control/ Looking Beyond the Superficial Mon, 17 Aug 2009 21:43:48 +0000 http://wordpress.com/ hourly 1 By: eas http://intuitivemuslima.wordpress.com/2007/08/07/control/#comment-866 eas Thu, 06 Sep 2007 14:11:25 +0000 http://intuitivemuslima.wordpress.com/2007/08/07/control/#comment-866 Why dont u have ur license yet? Vita can help or my little sister, or other friends I have that can give u a lift. Call me. U know I know. Why dont u have ur license yet? Vita can help or my little sister, or other friends I have that can give u a lift. Call me. U know I know.

]]> By: carimuslima http://intuitivemuslima.wordpress.com/2007/08/07/control/#comment-499 carimuslima Wed, 08 Aug 2007 22:12:40 +0000 http://intuitivemuslima.wordpress.com/2007/08/07/control/#comment-499 UmAbdurrahman~Yes, I have seen the statistics too on the effects it has on the children very unsettling. "Safety and security need to be placed ahead of love and belongingness" I agree with you all the way on this one. They are the ones who are innocently shattered in the cycle of abuse. Wayiki sis. ;) Shahrzad~I remember reading several times about situations of divorce and women and custody of children. So heartbreaking...Do you think this is why most women stay in the marriage in Iran? I would think that's why some women stay in these abusive marriages to keep their childen. Sometimes I wonder about these laws. Just another way to control and opress women which isn't Islamic. I think the laws in the Middle East are similar, right? Here in the states custody would most likely be given to the mother because the father is obviously unfit to raise children due to his actions, but of course this would go under a case by case situation also. If the mother is so broken down her family might get temporary custody until she is stable mentally and emotionally, but haven't seen a father yet to take full custody of the childen in domestic abuse cases one that has all the evidence available. What frightens me is how many women I have heard had their children taken unknowingly by the estranged hubby or ex-hubby and taken to the East. That is terrible even to think about. As far as legal fees for lawyers in the United States if you can't afford one the gov't lawyers for family court are very good at least the ones in New York and North Carolina. I can't speak for other states as I'm not aware of their policies but I think it will be the same. Confusedaboutlife~Glad to see you here!!! ;) Yea I feel that way at times also like life is harder for women, but in reality I think it's just cowardly men and society that do that because Islam liberated us a long time ago...I just wish society would recognize that by now. Mashallah what a beautiful story. Alhamdulilah she found her special someone who would treat her as a Queen and accept her kids as his own. beautiful...simply amazing. "Allah did not create me to be tolerant of men simple as that and I refuse to tolerate nonsense". I love this comment fantastic point and many need to realize that too. Thank you so much for sharing that story with us, and hope to see you around more often inshallah. ;) Sumera~You touched the core reason women stay in these marriages...for the children's sake to keep the family together ironic I know, and one that many of us don't understand but it's the #1 reason I have heard often by women in domestic violence. Umm Yusuf~ Amin to your beautiful dua. ;) UmAbdurrahman~Yes, I have seen the statistics too on the effects it has on the children very unsettling. “Safety and security need to be placed ahead of love and belongingness” I agree with you all the way on this one. They are the ones who are innocently shattered in the cycle of abuse.
Wayiki sis. ;)

Shahrzad~I remember reading several times about situations of divorce and women and custody of children. So heartbreaking…Do you think this is why most women stay in the marriage in Iran? I would think that’s why some women stay in these abusive marriages to keep their childen. Sometimes I wonder about these laws. Just another way to control and opress women which isn’t Islamic. I think the laws in the Middle East are similar, right?

Here in the states custody would most likely be given to the mother because the father is obviously unfit to raise children due to his actions, but of course this would go under a case by case situation also. If the mother is so broken down her family might get temporary custody until she is stable mentally and emotionally, but haven’t seen a father yet to take full custody of the childen in domestic abuse cases one that has all the evidence available. What frightens me is how many women I have heard had their children taken unknowingly by the estranged hubby or ex-hubby and taken to the East. That is terrible even to think about. As far as legal fees for lawyers in the United States if you can’t afford one the gov’t lawyers for family court are very good at least the ones in New York and North Carolina. I can’t speak for other states as I’m not aware of their policies but I think it will be the same.

Confusedaboutlife~Glad to see you here!!! ;) Yea I feel that way at times also like life is harder for women, but in reality I think it’s just cowardly men and society that do that because Islam liberated us a long time ago…I just wish society would recognize that by now.

Mashallah what a beautiful story. Alhamdulilah she found her special someone who would treat her as a Queen and accept her kids as his own. beautiful…simply amazing. “Allah did not create me to be tolerant of men simple as that and I refuse to tolerate nonsense”. I love this comment fantastic point and many need to realize that too. Thank you so much for sharing that story with us, and hope to see you around more often inshallah. ;)

Sumera~You touched the core reason women stay in these marriages…for the children’s sake to keep the family together ironic I know, and one that many of us don’t understand but it’s the #1 reason I have heard often by women in domestic violence.

Umm Yusuf~ Amin to your beautiful dua. ;)

]]> By: Umm Yusuf http://intuitivemuslima.wordpress.com/2007/08/07/control/#comment-495 Umm Yusuf Wed, 08 Aug 2007 17:53:24 +0000 http://intuitivemuslima.wordpress.com/2007/08/07/control/#comment-495 May Allah make it easy for all women and children in this situation. May He give them the strength, patience, and certainty of faith to make the decisions that need to be made and follow through. May Allah be their protector, their sight, their hearing, and their provider. ameen. May Allah make it easy for all women and children in this situation. May He give them the strength, patience, and certainty of faith to make the decisions that need to be made and follow through. May Allah be their protector, their sight, their hearing, and their provider. ameen.

]]> By: Shahrzad http://intuitivemuslima.wordpress.com/2007/08/07/control/#comment-492 Shahrzad Wed, 08 Aug 2007 16:43:02 +0000 http://intuitivemuslima.wordpress.com/2007/08/07/control/#comment-492 Sumera- Yes, but it is almost difficult to prove. Need to pay so much money to lawyer and going and cominig so much to family judgcourt and bla bla.. I worked as a journalist in family judgcourt at least for 7 months and i saw so many cases that a divorse for them takes more than 6 years just bcs of challnge to take children. Sumera- Yes, but it is almost difficult to prove. Need to pay so much money to lawyer and going and cominig so much to family judgcourt and bla bla.. I worked as a journalist in family judgcourt at least for 7 months and i saw so many cases that a divorse for them takes more than 6 years just bcs of challnge to take children.

]]> By: Sumera http://intuitivemuslima.wordpress.com/2007/08/07/control/#comment-490 Sumera Wed, 08 Aug 2007 16:26:49 +0000 http://intuitivemuslima.wordpress.com/2007/08/07/control/#comment-490 Women tolerate a lot for their children and the sake of keeping things together. But sometimes you need to get away when you can before things spiral out of control. Shahrzad - in that case, if the husband was violent (and there is the risk that he is potentially violent anyway) then custody would be granted to the mother of her children regardless if they are boys or girls. Women tolerate a lot for their children and the sake of keeping things together. But sometimes you need to get away when you can before things spiral out of control.

Shahrzad – in that case, if the husband was violent (and there is the risk that he is potentially violent anyway) then custody would be granted to the mother of her children regardless if they are boys or girls.

]]> By: confusedaboutlife http://intuitivemuslima.wordpress.com/2007/08/07/control/#comment-486 confusedaboutlife Wed, 08 Aug 2007 10:42:44 +0000 http://intuitivemuslima.wordpress.com/2007/08/07/control/#comment-486 wow that was strong , thats reality thats always happening ..in this world I have always felt life is harder for a woman ..but trust keep on hoping their is hope . I know of a woman who came out of a very bad marriage with 4 children , domestic violence , shenever thought she would get married again then a year later allah gave her this lovely man who had never been married before and he was willing to take on 4 kids as a responsibilty they have a boy now BUT see theirs hope always hope for woman . Allah did not create me to be tolerant of men simple as that and I refuse to tolerate nonsense. wow that was strong , thats reality thats always happening ..in this world I have always felt life is harder for a woman ..but trust keep on hoping their is hope . I know of a woman who came out of a very bad marriage with 4 children , domestic violence , shenever thought she would get married again then a year later allah gave her this lovely man who had never been married before and he was willing to take on 4 kids as a responsibilty they have a boy now BUT see theirs hope always hope for woman . Allah did not create me to be tolerant of men simple as that and I refuse to tolerate nonsense.

]]> By: Shahrzad http://intuitivemuslima.wordpress.com/2007/08/07/control/#comment-484 Shahrzad Tue, 07 Aug 2007 23:27:38 +0000 http://intuitivemuslima.wordpress.com/2007/08/07/control/#comment-484 Unfortunately in my country, laws are agaisnt moms who get divorced. A girl just before 7 and a boy just before 4 years old can stay with their mom. After that based on law they have to live with their Dad. Imagine what happens for that woman in this situation and she even can't take her children with herself!! Unfortunately in my country, laws are agaisnt moms who get divorced. A girl just before 7 and a boy just before 4 years old can stay with their mom. After that based on law they have to live with their Dad.
Imagine what happens for that woman in this situation and she even can’t take her children with herself!!

]]> By: UmAbdurrahman, "Blanca" http://intuitivemuslima.wordpress.com/2007/08/07/control/#comment-483 UmAbdurrahman, "Blanca" Tue, 07 Aug 2007 21:26:14 +0000 http://intuitivemuslima.wordpress.com/2007/08/07/control/#comment-483 As Salaamu Alaikum: Domestic violence is a terrible thing. Research has shown that where the environment is infected with violence and fear, all the normal tasks of growing up are likely to be adversely affected. Safety and security need to be placed ahead of love and belongingness. This post is truly an eye opener to what many children are expeirencing and the impact can be a life time of confusion, fear, personal insecurities and helplessness. Jazak Allahu Khair for the awareness As Salaamu Alaikum:

Domestic violence is a terrible thing. Research has shown that where the environment is infected with violence and fear, all the normal tasks of growing up are likely to be adversely affected.
Safety and security need to be placed ahead of love and belongingness.

This post is truly an eye opener to what many children are expeirencing and the impact can be a life time of confusion, fear, personal insecurities and helplessness.

Jazak Allahu Khair for the awareness

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