Reflection from Umm Yusuf’s post:
While catching up in my comments this morning I read Umm Yusuf’s comment on You Know You’re a Hijabi/Niqabi if….people try to deny you the basic rights that every one is supposed to enjoy!
This was so relevant to what my post was going to reflect today and definitely not a coincidence. Yesterday my husband and I were discussing on summer events that would be great to attend in our city as a family. Well living in this city for over a year now they have a festival every summer where they have arts and crafts, kid face paintings, and great summer food. It’s a must-go event in the town. Well planning my intinerary for the kids, I was so excited that finally I was going to attend this main attraction. I told my husband what the plan was and it went a little something like this:
Me: “I have found a great thing to do this summer”.
Husband: “What’s that”?
Me: Remember when we drove around town last year, and we saw flocks of people going to the park?
Husband: Yes…
Me: My friend and I decided that would be a lot of fun for the kids. Do you think it’s walking distance?
Husband: Oh, no you’re not going to that!
Me: Why not, its a great outing for families?
Husband: Well, because I know how those people are and they will make things hard for you, with their snares, and stares and maybe even remarks.
Me: You know I can fend for myself, and I don’t care if they will stare and treat me badly, they have to realize that we’re part of the community and they have to treat us fairly and welcome us.
Husband: Yes, but you’re not going to have fun, and it will be stressful, and I don’t want something to happen to all of you because of these ignorant town folks.
Me: Ok, well I guess you do know them better since you deal with them on a daily basis at work, and you don’t what us to be in any terrible predicament because they are ignorant and may hurt us physically; however, I don’t see the reason why I have to limit the places I go because of peoples’ ignorance. I should be able to go and enjoy my time at events like these, and my presence will show them that I don’t care about their ignorance and they just have to live with the fact that I’m here among them and a member of this community if they don’t like it tough, they have to know we exist among them and come to terms we’re here to stay.
Husband: I Know, but these are the times we’re living in….
Ok, after this little scenario I had no plan of making it a post, but checking the recent comments on Umm Yusuf’s blog her comment is evidently true in our western society. Why do I have to be concerned about how others will be affected by my presence? Is it fair that I’m treated differently because I am a hijabi? It’s things like this that frustrate me and I feel need immediate attention. I’m a person who does everything possible to change things when there’s an injustice. I can’t sit back and just let things continue to stay this way. I have always spoken my mind and made remarks if I’m confronted by these foolish people, being born and raised in New York City I have always been a pro-active person, and don’t let anyone or anything get in the way of what I want to pursue, in one of the melting pots of the world I never had to really deal with things like this as a whole. In city events there are people of all backgrounds, religions, and ages. We attended the events peacefully and you didn’t have to worry about people’s comments or harming you.
Now, I’m faced with taking my husband’s words into consideration. I’m not single, and having a family he wants to protect us. I see his point of view, but this is something hard for me, because this hasn’t been the first time I’ve been faced with limitations all because of ignorant individuals. I’m tired of just letting it go and trying to find other attractions that will be SO-CALLED more diverse. But why? This is a free country. I should be free and able to go anywhere I like, as a Muslim we find ourselves at times reflecting on things to do collectively where we will enjoy our time and not worry about discrimination, or violent outbursts from others, i’m fed up trying to cater my fun away from these close minded people.
I would love to go this summer fair. I see it as an opportunity of dawah and showing them that we are ordinary people just like them who have strong morals, and live normally. We aren’t this secret society that doesn’t smile, say hi, and don’t know how to coexist with people different as us. I’m not saying condoning their actions and beliefs that go against our Islamic principles, nevertheless, there is a medium of coexistance with non-Muslims as found in the hadith when Umar ibn Khattab was stabbed.
Narrated ‘Amr bin Maimun: umar (after he was stabbed), instructed (his would-be-successor) saying, “I urge him (i.e. the new Caliph) to take care of those non-Muslims who are under the protection of Allah and His Apostle in that he should observe the convention agreed upon with them, and fight on their behalf (to secure their safety) and he should not over-tax them beyond their capability.” (Bukhari Book #52, Hadith #287)
Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) said: “Whoever does wrong to a mu’aahad (a dis-believer who has a peace treaty with the Muslims), or tries to put him down, or burdens him with more than he can bear, or takes something from him without his consent, I will be his opponent on the Day of Resurrection.” Narrated by Abu Dawood, 3052; classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh Abi Dawood.
There are many instances where the Prophet (pbuh) and his companions show us how to live side by side one another and still have a peaceful coexistence. It’s not like I was going to take them as my friends. I just thought it was a nice thing to do for the children where they could run around, finger paint, maybe watch basket-making, eat picnic food, and my highlight, the face paintings. It’s an event for children and family. Don’t get mewrong, I do comphrehend my husband’s concerns and his reasons for opposing, I just think that I should be able to attend certain functions because it would be a fun way to keep the kids entertained.
It saddens me to know that as Muslims we would prefer to isolate ourselves from the rest of the community because of others reaction towards us. In my opinion, I think thats a cop out, and furthermore saying to them that they have won in running us away.We have to stand firm, voice our opinions and show senseless people that we exist among them, as Muslims we’re proud of our beliefs just as they are proud of theirs, and we should show them that we can live harmoniously with respect and dignity.
This would have been a good opportunity as a Muslim to demonstrate it. When I’m confronted with circumstances like these like attending an amusement park, zoo, mall, sporting event, town fair etc. I am aware that all eyes will be on me the Muslimah in hijab. So instead of being worried and fearful, you know you’re in the spotlight so why not take this great opportunity and exemplify our Islamic manners, and show them that we are real people who laugh, smile, joke, and live ordinary lives as they do as long as it’s within the boundaries of our belief system.
If we took the time to open the door completely instead of peaking in and shutting it we might be able to help widen their minds and perceptions of us. Their ignorance is in part due to their clouded mentality of what they think Islam means. This is owed to so-called Muslims who have trangressed the limits by hurting innocent people through their oppression and tyranny, and the mainstream media doesn’t help and portrays us only as terrorists in movies, and these jihadist warriors among other things. Did you ever here the phrase it only takes one person to make a difference?
We should reflect on it. We have a responsibility as Muslims to show people the true Islam, acting as shadows within the community will have no benefit to us or them. The best nation of people are Muslims. We should show that we have certainty of faith and strength to tackle whatever comes our way. Why let them run us out by their treatment and denying the basic rights that everyone is supposed to enjoy.
June 29, 2007 at 3:03 pm
Assalaamu Alaikum Wa Rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu sister,
Mash’Allah another excellent post. I too, see his point and yours. I have not yet shyed away from going to public events with the majority of the attendance being non Muslims. Do I run a risk? I don’t know, maybe. I have found though, as in my experience being the only muslimah in town, if you show yourself more in the community you will make a positive statement. Non Muslims view us as opressed and backwards. When we show them that we are not opressed and can function with other people, it interests them in Islam and promotes more tolerance in the community. Often, you will be surprised that they won’t be as intolerant as you think rather many are accomodating once you interact with them a little.
I think sometimes foreign born muslims see the non muslims as more of a threat. While we as converts have lived among these people and know that MOST of them are harmless and all talk.
Though, in the end you guys have to decide whats best for your family.
June 29, 2007 at 5:54 pm
Asalaamu alaikum.
“It saddens me to know that as Muslims we would prefer to isolate ourselves from the rest of the community because of others reaction towards us. In my opinion, I think thats a cop out, and furthermore saying to them that they have won in running us away.”
I agree completely, and as a niqaabi I also agree with what UmmYusuf just said about it usually not being as bad as we think it will be. Most non-Muslims will ignore you, some will stare but who cares? A few will say something ignorant. A few will ask you a question. Many will walk away with their view of Muslim women and Muslims in general a bit changed.
We have a summer fair like you describe in my city too. Sadly, I have found the other Muslims there (one or two of the local mosques always have a food booth – the same tired chicken tikka every year for as far back as I can remember, subhanAllah) to be far more rude to me than any of the non-Muslims.
Someday inshaAllah I will get around to writing the post about the discriminations and other ignorant things I’ve dealt with. But then I will also have to write a post about the numerous surprisingly good experiences I have had too.
June 30, 2007 at 10:07 am
Asalaamu alaikum.
I should clarify that I am not suggesting you disobey your husband. But that is the nice thing about shura. When you discuss the issues, you know, you both have different perspectives, different experiences, different reasons for your views. So the nice thing with sharing your reasoning with each other, is that then your husband can make a decision based on your concerns and views as well, inshaAllah. Most men would take their wives’ opinions more into account if we shared with them in the right time and situation so that they can factor in all the relevent info.
July 1, 2007 at 7:33 am
As Salaamu Alaikum:
Sis Sumayah, I can understand your husband’s point of view and yours. This is an issue that can be divided in so many sentimental ways but one thing to keep in mind is that you need to think what is in the best interest of your situation. I am not familiar where you live but that is beside the point but you need to reconsider that maybe there are other options of getting out there to express your views on Islam. It sounds like you want to make every opportunity of value to you and interaction is the way to go. Are you ready to confront what comes your way, whether it be positive or negative? You have already made some good points in your blog and I would say that you can make a differnce and it has already happened through the ability that Allah has given you to express and write what others can relate to. Have you ever considered writing a book? Maybe you should becasue I would be the first one to buy it. Your writing has reflected a positive inspiration to all your blog readers.
July 1, 2007 at 10:20 pm
I would recommend that you don’t go, unless you are to go with your husband. It’s not about the looks or the comments, but about what could possibly be done to you. I live in the midwest and I visit small towns that are full of rednecks on a regular basis. I’d never attend a fair there without my husband. I do go to walmart there and other places, but again… not alone. I can handle the comments and the stares very well, but yeah. It’s not fear of people or wanting to seclude yourself but simply being smart. There are just certain scenarios we shouldn’t put ourselves in. I’m a niqaabi though, so maybe it’s a bit different for me but I know in redneck towns even a khimaar would be enough to start something.
July 2, 2007 at 9:27 am
As salaam u alaikum dear sister. I have none of the reservations of the sisters who have responded to you above. Unless your DAILY encounter includes bad looks, sneers and bad comments when you go outside, based on WHAT is your husband making his statement? His own work? But you do not work there, do you? I agree that one can not limit oneself because one wears hijab or niqab – the PURPOSE of hijab/niqab was to ALLOW FREEDOM OF MOVEMENT!!!! why would you need hijab in your house? you should work on building trust and confidence with your husband and start off by taking small trips outside. you should demonstrate that you are not a child and that you can handle things like a mature woman. After all, you are a mother. if a mother has to live in fear of her surroundings, how will she care for and raise confident children? Unless you plan on living in Saudi Arabia, how will you instill confidence and good social strategies for living with non-muslims? You should definitely speak with your husband and make serious moves to get out more and learn before judging an ENTIRE town. That is somewhat unfair. Be safe, take your husband with you the first few times. Smile, say nice things about people’s pets, their children, say “Hello, great weather!” and SEE how NICE NON MUSLIMS CAN BE. After all, HOW DO WE END UP WITH CONVERTS??? by ISOLATING ourselves? I think I’ve made my point. good luck, wassalaam, your sister in islam.
July 3, 2007 at 1:10 pm
Jazak Allah Khairan for all your comments…
Umm Yusuf: You are right, I have noticed that we are more comfortable with the people around us because we grew beside them and pretty much know what they are capable of. We can sniff danger
Aaminah: Yea sometimes we just have to show them that we live there too. You’re right lol it seems that those BBQ’s usually have the same food lol even here where I live… which is one of the reasons I’ve grown bored of them. And don’t worry lol I didn’t think you were telling me to disobey hubby hehhe… it is great that you can sit with your spouse and discuss things without it leading to a huge arguement love ur point.
Sis Blanca: You made great points. These are all questions we should ask ourselves when making such decisions. Like you mentioned am I ready for this? and people’s reactions? etc… it also depends where you live. I don’t think I would go to one of these fairs if I lived in Kansas or Alabama where maybe the community isn’t used to seeing and interating with Muslims. Mashallah sis hehehe… inshallah I’ll think about it. A book lol *blushing* you brought on a smile from ear to ear. Jazak Allah Khairan for your encouragement and motivation. Maybe I’ll tackle that someday inshallah.
Umm Layth: Yea having hubby there would give me that extra security and people would think twice before medling. We should always look at the whole picture and assess it before throwing ourselves into a situation we will regret because we didn’t think smart. Alhamduliah we of course have some rednecks like many other communities. I live in a bigger city so they aren’t to prominent in my town unless you go further south and even then I think they know we are among them and the city has gotten quite diverse these past 3 yrs. So I think they’ve moved out or maybe changed their tune LOL. But for the most part I have some women stop me and ask where I bought my scarves because they are pretty. So it seems people are learning to coincide with people different from what they’re used too Alhamdulilah.
July 3, 2007 at 1:35 pm
As Salaam Walakium Rahamtullahi Wa’baraketuh Sis Asifa,
I totally understand my husband’s view I do go out regularly with the girls and have play dates so its not that I’m cooped up and locked in my house and don’t associate with people in my community. Alhamdulilah my Non-Muslim neighbors are generous and very friendly.. well the ones I have now Mashallah… maybe you misunderstood about my hubby’s work. His job entails direct contact with people, he has seen both good and bad of the locals. So have I, but I feel he does understand the views of many because he deals with them face to face. I’m pretty much going to the mall or walmart and that stroll around town where I just say hi and smile unless I know who they are. So its just different and his perspective is based from his experience, and mine from my experience. I think husbands want the best for their family and have the best of intentions. This however was just a discussion we had that I thought would b nice to share with all of you.
It has shown me how some of us think so differently based on the same post. It’s awesome I like diversity and everyone’s input based on their perspective of the post.
I agree with you sadly there are many Muslim women in those situations who rarely go out and just stay home and don’t know how to interact with non-Muslims. That was the point of the post to emphasize like you said “After all, HOW DO WE END UP WITH CONVERTS???” its by our actions and living side by side non-Muslims. Some Muslims have the wrong approach in thinking we have to completely segrate ourselves from non-Muslims which goes against how it was during the time of the Prophet (pbuh) they lived side by side in peace with limits yes but with respect and dignity as I mentioned before.
I hate the fact too that people think we are limited if we are hijabis or niqabis that just isn’t true. Maybe people treat us unfairly and deny us of our rights but thats due to their ignorance. But locking ourselves at home and avoiding interaction isn’t the solution either. Islam is a religion of moderation and balance and it’s a struggle to make sure we’re not to much to the left or the right but in between. Jazak Allah Khairan for your comment you made some good points Alhamdulilah.
July 3, 2007 at 3:46 pm
Ok after reading my post again I can see why some of you thought or viewed that I was limited and secluded. I just wanted to clarify that this was a reflection of the conversation I had and my feelings at the moment of the discussion ending. Some of you Alhamdulilah saw the point I was trying to make as Muslims being shadows in the community which might explain why some non-Muslims think we are anti-social or secretative, and how it’s not a healthy thing to do because that’s not Islam.
Alhamdulilah some of you saw passed the husband and wife dialogue and interpreted the true issue I was trying to make in this post that if possible we should take these opportunities and use them as dawah and not be so timid and think that we can’t get along in a public event. Like sister Asifa said you’ll be surprised how many people have converted to Islam just because the sight of another Muslim stirred curiosity in them to learn about the deen.
It’s great to see all the different perspectives everyone had after reading the post.
Jazak Allah Khairan. Hugs
September 22, 2007 at 7:46 pm
As salaam u alaikum. I am a Black American married to a Pakistani man. I often ponder on the fact that if I had never known him, I probably would never have known many of my wonderful Muslim fridnds or more importantly, the true religion, Islam. You have the correct thinking Sister. Of course don’t go against your husband but just as you’ve been doing, talk to him gently about your position. And give us Americans the benefit of the doubt. You may be pleasantly surprised. Thank you!!